Overcoming your fears as a leader
June 29, 2009
Are you afraid of anything? Be honest. Some leaders bluster and posture, claiming to be without fear. Nice act! Leaders are human, not superhuman, which means we all struggle with fear. A better strategy than denial is needed to handle fear.
If you struggle with fear you are in good company. Fear is a very common problem in the Bible. There are more than 600 references in the Bible related to fear. The list of biblical characters who felt fear reads like a spiritual hall of fame - Adam, Abraham, Sarah, Lot, Isaac, Jacob, Rachel, Moses, Rahab, Joshua, Ruth, Samuel, David, Mephibosheth, Saul, Hezekiah, Elijah, Solomon, Jehosophat, Ahaz, Daniel, Joseph, Peter, Paul, and John.
All of these leaders were afraid of something. Several biblical leaders were told “do not be afraid” implying they also felt fear. Check out this list: Adam, Abraham, Hagar, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Joshua (4 times!), Isaiah, David, Joseph, Daniel, Zechariah, Mary, Jairus, Peter, Paul, John, the Shepherds, and the women at the tomb. Again, this is good company.
Poor Joshua! God told him repeatedly not to be afraid. We normally think of Joshua as a warrior leader leading Israel into the Promised Land. He did lead them boldly, all while struggling with his fears. You can lead, boldly and significantly, while still struggling with fear. Leaders are not exempt from fearful feelings but they are required to overcome them and lead.
Fear is also an old problem. There is no mention of fear as part of God’s creation. But, the first emotion mentioned in the Bible
after sin entered the world was fear (Gen. 3:10). This does not mean that fear is always a sin. After all, we are repeatedly told in the Bible to “fear the Lord.” Sin entered the world and marred the concept of fear. No longer would fearing the Lord be the only expression of fear. Now, like everything else good and godly, fear was warped. Fearing the Lord (good fear) was lost and fearing everything else (bad fear) emerged.
Bad fear has predictable results, again emerging from the first story of people who were controlled by their fears. Adam and Eve were afraid so they hid from God. At least one indication you have bad fear is it controls you. This expresses itself in two ways.
First, fear is sinful when it makes you do something you know you should not or do not want to do. People like Elijah (1 Kgs. 19:3), Peter (Mk. 9:6), Sarah (Gen. 18:15), and Isaac (Gen. 26:7) all had this experience. Fear can cause you to go along with questionable decisions or allow others to control you. You are disgusted with yourself but cannot seem to hold your ground. When that happens, fear has control of you.
Second, fear is sinful when it keeps you from doing what you know you should do. Leaders sometimes do not speak up against injustice, hold employees accountable, or confront unruly church members because they are afraid. They knew what they needed to do, but just could not do it. Once again, destructive fear took control. Joseph of Arimathea (John 19:38) had this problem. His fear of the Jews kept him from identifying himself as a follower of Jesus.
Your positive leadership legacy will be undermined if fear controls you. Bad fear always leaves a destructive legacy. Part of this legacy is missing God’s best. Remember the story of the twelve spies who spied out the land God was giving Israel? Ten spies gave a bad report, prompted by fear of the “giants in the land,” and missed the blessings God had for them. Fear kept the spies, and ultimately their followers, from experiencing God’s best. You miss God’s best when fear controls you. Sadly, you also shortchange your followers.
Bad fear also keeps you from using the gifts God has given you. In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-28), fear caused one servant to bury what the master had given him. The servants who used their talents got more talents. The one who buried his talent lost his opportunity for future service. Fear can keep you from using your gifts and experiencing even greater opportunity for service.
Fear can also have devastating consequences when it keeps you from making good decisions. Lot lived in Sodom with his wife and two daughters. Two angels, disguised as men, came to Lot’s home to warn him of impending destruction. He was told to flee to the mountains for safety. But Lot appealed to be allowed to live in Zoar since he perceived the journey too arduous.
When fire fell and destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot changed his mind. He “was afraid to live in Zoar” (Gen. 19:30) so he took his two daughters and hid in a cave. Time passed. The daughters became alarmed their father would die without an heir. They got Lot drunk and had incestuous relations with him. Both women became pregnant. The results – one birthed the father of the Moabites, the other the father of the Ammonites. Lot acted in fear with devastating consequences. He fathered rank enemies of God’s people who tormented Israel for generations. Fear kept Lot from making a good decision and opened the door for a series of horrible consequences.
The fears that keep most leaders from making good decisions involve relationships. You fear hurting people, hurting relationships with or among people, or the painful consequences of making personal or personnel decisions. Because churches and ministry organizations are “people intensive,” these kinds of fears predominate.
A good example is the decision to change a person’s job assignment or terminate them. This is gut-wrenching decision for many Christian leaders. We fear hurting the person and the possible negative results among co-workers. Fear keeps us from making timely decisions in this area often to the detriment of the employee and our organization. Another example is being afraid to speak up on a controversial matter or confront a person who may disagree with you (and cause conflict if you oppose them or their ideas).
These fears immobilize leaders. Your struggle with them may affect your sleep, keep you from eating, and depress you about what might happen. When fear of how people will react to your decision controls the decision, bad fear is in charge!
<< Return to Archive
Learning Humility
June 22, 2009
The most interesting aspect of learning humility is this. It is a choice you make. Over and over the Bible says, “Humble yourself” (for example, James 4:10, 1 Peter 5:6). You are responsible to humble yourself. There must be, then, biblical and practical steps you can take to learn humility.
This runs counter to those who feel responsible to humble others. The Bible tells you to “honor one another” (Rom 12:10, NIV) and “humble yourself.” It never says, “humble one another” and “honor yourself.” Some Christians are reluctant to give honor because they are afraid of puffing up another person, of contributing to their pride. A pastor’s wife once told me, “I never compliment my husband’s sermons because I don’t want him to get a big head.”
She was well-intentioned, but wrong! We are responsible to honor others and express gratitude to and for them. We should appreciate and compliment character and accomplishments. How a person responds to a genuine, appropriate compliment is their problem, not yours. Another person once told me, only half-jokingly, their ministry was keeping other people humble. This woman could have claimed the spiritual gift of criticism motivated by a root of bitterness!
No Christian has the responsibility to keep others humble. Attempting this on another person produces humiliation, not humility. You can humiliate another person, but you cannot humble them. Allowing a circumstance to be humbling is a personal choice. Intentionally creating those circumstances is how you humble yourself. Here are some specific suggestions, concrete things you can do to learn humility.
Pray. A primary way to learn humility is to pray. The act of intentionally setting aside time to pray reveals so many things about your heart. When you pray, you demonstrate an attitude of dependence on God. You communicate neediness. You acknowledge powerlessness. You reveal your priorities and admit your weaknesses. Prayer, not so much the words you say but what the act itself reveals, is a powerful contributor to developing and maintaining humility.
As part of learning humility through prayer, there are several other steps you can take. First, kneel when you pray. Kneeling is a sign of submission and subservience. When you kneel before God, you practice humility. Many leaders only pray on the fly – while driving, before meals, prior to meetings, and in worship services. Prayer that promotes humility requires an intentional choice, both of time and posture.
Second, kneel to pray in public. Occasionally, during a public invitation or altar call, kneel publicly. This is not because God will better hear your prayers but because you need to humble yourself. Kneeling before your followers is a humbling experience. When you are in that posture, you are not the all-knowing leader. You are demonstrating your need for God.
Third, pray with people. Leaders often pray for people and in front of people but do not often pray with people. Praying with people means you take time, usually in a small group, to cry out to God both for your personal and ministry needs. Something humbling happens when you, as the leader, confess your needs to God in the hearing of your followers.
Ask others to pray for you. More than a decade ago, I initiated a group of supporters called “The Prayer Team.” My reasons were many. I needed spiritual support as I moved into more visible leadership roles. I had experienced the impact of brothers and sisters with the ministry of intercession and wanted to draw on their power. I believe in prayer, yet it is not one of my strengths. I wanted some real prayer warriors on my side.
For more than ten years, I have kept the prayer team active. Each month, I write them a personal letter outlining the needs and opportunities facing our family. I also include an overview of my monthly schedule, including travel plans. The act of writing that monthly letter humbles me. It reminds me there are people who are truly selfless servants, who want no public recognition, and who pray because it is their ministry. It reminds me my true source of spiritual strength is the Lord and the prayers of his saints. Writing it reminds me I am not self-sufficient. I depend on an anonymous army.
Develop a teachable spirit. My grandmother had an amusing habit. No matter what you told her, she would say, “I know it.” She was not expressing arrogance or a know-it-all attitude. Like some people say, “you know?” to keep others talking, she said, “I know it.” Our family often joked there was nothing, no matter how unusual, Grandmother did not already know!
That’s funny when it’s a quirky habit, but it’s not so funny when it is your real life perspective. Some leaders develop the attitude they know more than everyone else, are smarter than everyone else, and have all the answers.
You can measure your teach-ability by asking some simple questions. What is the name of the last personal development book you read? When you go to a conference or convention, do you actually attend the sessions or just hang out in the hallway talking? Do you attend worship and Bible study when you are not preaching or teaching? Do you seek advice from trusted colleagues prior to making major ministry decisions?
You can learn humility by asking others to teach you and taking concrete steps to continually learn from others.
Give others the credit. Another leadership discipline that deepens humility is developing the habit of making others successful and giving away the credit. For example, when your church grows, celebrate the Sunday School workers or the evangelism teams. When your staff accomplishes some significant project, bless them with public praise. If a mission team has unusual victories, allow the team members to get the credit. When you report to your board, give credit for successful projects to staff members who played an integral role.
Giving away the credit, even when some of it is rightly yours, is a specific way to learn humility. You are choosing to magnify others. Often, on the way home, from such an experience I have prayed, “Thank you Lord for letting me bless a co-worker. You know what I did on this project, and Lord, that’s enough.”
Part of this is also doing quiet things to make other people successful. A group of administrative assistants, a true high-performance team, modeled this principle. Five women had one motto, “We get the work done.” They did not fight over turf, did not argue about workload, did not gripe about how much had to be done, or otherwise pick at each other. Neither did they make a show of how they worked together. They simply, quietly, did whatever was necessary to make each other and their organization successful. They modeled humility. I learned from them an important principle. Humble workers make each other successful. They get the work done and do not care who gets the credit.
Develop the discipline of being grateful. My wife and young children went round and round about thank you notes. Ann insisted they be written. The children considered it an onerous task. But my wife is tenacious! She was determined her children would learn the discipline of being thankful. And one way to do that is acknowledging gifts.
The root of the rebellion, both for my children when they were young and for ungrateful leaders, is the arrogant assumption we deserve nice things people do for us. You assume you deserve a nice office, a generous salary, appreciation on your anniversary, respect from your staff, understanding from your supervisor, praise from your personnel committee, special treatment by your board, a full benefits plan, and an expense account.
You may think you deserve all this, but you do not. You do not deserve any of it. And if you have any of these things, your attitude toward them is vital. Your attitude should be gratitude for these good things God has allowed you to have as a leader. Christian leaders around the world have very few of these perks expected by American church leaders. Our attitude toward these blessings must be gratitude, not a sense of entitlement.
<< Return to Archive
Why humility is essential for leaders
June 15, 2009
Why is humility so important, and so difficult, for leaders? Humility is difficult because leaders are successful people. You probably became a leader in your current ministry because you were successful. If you are successful in your current role, you will probably be promoted to some expanded leadership opportunity. Success is the breeding ground for pride. That is why leaders are more susceptible to pride than followers are and why developing humility is both more difficult and more essential for leaders.
There are several biblical reasons why humility is particularly important for leaders.
God opposes the proud. What leader wants God to oppose him or her? Not one! Peter wrote, “God resists the proud” (1 Peter 5:5). That is strong language. The word resists means “to draw up in battle array.” Do you remember the familiar scene in old westerns when the Indians would ride up on a ridgeline in a menacing battle line? Dramatic music would create tension, settlers would circle the wagons, and a battle would be imminent. It was not very historically accurate, but it was a dramatic moment!
The word resists means God draws himself up in battle array. It means he marshals all his resources and brings them up to the battle line. He swells the ranks, fills out the companies, and intimidates you with his awesome presence. That is the picture of God drawn up in battle array. When you, as a leader, are operating in pride – God comes against you with all he has. You can circle your wagons if you want, but to no avail. Arrogance leads to destruction. Humility, on the other hand, leads to God giving grace. Peter continues, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5).
God exalts the humble. As a leader, you probably have a strong ego. You want to succeed, and you probably want to be promoted. You want to make more money, have more influence, and impact more people. But be careful! The problem is not having ambition; its how you fulfill it.
James wrote, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James 4:10). Our motto is often, “Do all I can, can all I get, sit on the can, and burn the rest before anyone else gets it.” We easily get trapped in self-promotion, self-aggrandizement, and self-centeredness. We think it - whatever
it is - all depends on us. You want to be exalted. After all, the Bible says God will exalt you. But you only have half the equation right.
God wants to exalt you. The problem is the path you choose. Doing all you can to get your name in lights is not God’s plan. God’s plan is for you to choose humility, and then he will exalt you. He will do it in his way, in his time, and to the degree appropriate for your character. When God exalts you, you will enjoy it because it will be a gift from him.
God leads the humble. Your most common prayer as a leader is probably, “Lord, give me wisdom.” Your second most common prayer might be, “Lord, show me what to do.” We constantly ask God for direction, to reveal his plans, to show us his timing, or otherwise direct our steps. Leaders are supposed to show the way. The problem is, we don’t always know the way.
The stakes are high and will only become higher as your influence grows. Dozens, hundreds, thousands, or even millions of people may be impacted by your decisions. You must decide what to preach weekly, when to build a new facility, who to employ on your ministry staff, what new program to launch, what old program to stop (good luck!), where to plant a new church, which community is open to new mission efforts, and how to gather the money to do all this. All of these decisions, and a dozen more like them, depend on your ability to find God’s direction.
While there are many factors in hearing from God, one crucial issue is humility. David wrote, “(The Lord) leads the humble in what is right and teaches them his way” (Ps. 25:9). Humility is essential to hearing from God and sensing his direction. Leaders must practice humility, because they are uniquely responsible to hear from God on behalf of the people they lead.
God empowers the humble. You will not lead very long before you realize how little your power matters. To accomplish supernatural results requires supernatural power. True spiritual leaders long for God’s power to be demonstrated through them.
Moses was described as “a very humble man, more so than any man on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3). That description set the stage for a series of events demonstrating God’s favor and power on him. Aaron and Miriam had been critical of Moses and God confronted them. He addressed them directly from a pillar of cloud, reminding them he spoke to Moses “directly, openly, and not in riddles” (Num. 12:8). Then he cursed Miriam with a skin disease. When Aaron cried for mercy, Moses interceded and God relented, confining the disease to a seven-day duration.
Moses knew God and could access his power. Do you and can you? That is a measure of spiritual leadership – knowing God and accessing his power. Moses’ humility was a prerequisite to God’s power being available to him. As you practice humility, God’s power will more easily move through you.
God’s presence surrounds the humble. Isaiah quoted God as asking “Heaven is my throne and earth is my footstool, what house could you possibly build for me?” (Is. 66:1). In other words, why do you think a special house will guarantee my presence? This Old Testament passage foreshadows an important New Testament reality. God is not housed in things made by humans, but in humans themselves.
Isaiah continues quoting God, “I will look favorably on this kind of person: one who is humble, submissive in spirit, and who trembles at my word” (Is. 66:2). God delights in showing himself present in and through humble leaders.
Do you know anyone who has the aura of God’s presence? When you are around that person you sense something unique, something supernatural, something peaceful and awe-filled all at the same time. A crucial part of God surrounding you with his presence is developing humility. God would rather demonstrate his presence through a humble leader than through a thousand cathedrals we might build to house him.
<< Return to Archive
Humility and a "Received Life"
June 8, 2009
One aspect of developing humility is distinguishing between a “received life” and an “achieved life.” A “received life” rests on the conviction all you have or accomplish is somehow a blessing from God. An “achieved life” asserts life is the sum total of your efforts, perhaps with God’s help, but certainly dependent on what you have done.
A key question
New Testament leaders struggled with these issues. Paul confronted the attitude of some apostles and other church leaders in 1 Corinthians 4. In the midst of his instructions, he asked a probing question related to leadership that, when answered correctly, produces humility. Paul asked, “What do you have that you didn’t receive?” (1 Cor. 4:7).
Since my late teen years, 1 Corinthians 4:7 has been my “life verse.” This haunting question contains the most penetrating, soul-searching nine words I have ever heard. Made personal, I ask “What do I have that I did not receive?” The answer? Not one thing.
For example, my genetic talents and abilities are a gift from God. My ability to read and write resulted from the work of grade school teachers. My children are a gift from God and my wife. My ministry position is possible because someone had a vision for a seminary years ago and millions of Christians have given time, energy, and money to make it happen. My car was bought with money I earned, yes, but I could earn it because someone gave it to support our ministry and made it earnable! On and on I could go.
For years I have tried to find one answer to this question, “What do I have that I did not receive?” Every possible answer can be traced back to some source over which I had no control or input. This has led me to this conclusion and affirmation: My life is a result of what God and others have done for me. When you come to that conviction, you will have started on the journey toward humility.
My life is a result of what God has done for me. He has saved me, given me purpose, and called me into ministry. He has gifted me with spiritual gifts and natural talents. God has structured my circumstances to shape my character and remake me into the image of Jesus. He has given me ministry positions, some supernatural results, and many life-shaping opportunities. God has done a lot for me, and you too!
My life is also a result of what other people have done for me. Teachers taught me to read, write, do math, and solve problems. Church members invited me into their lives as a preacher, counselor, and leader. Generous Christians have supported me, paid for my education, and provided a way for me to support my family. Friends have corrected and enemies have attacked – and both have shaped my character. People have done a lot for me, and you too!
Leaders learn humility by asking, “What do I have that I did not receive?” and affirming life is a result of what God and others do for us. Doing this enables you to own your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses.
You can own or acknowledge your strengths without arrogance or pretended false humility. For example, I am a good preacher. I can write that, honestly but not arrogantly, because it is not a self-achieved skill. I am a good preacher because God hard-wired me with natural gifts for public speaking, professors taught me skills and information required to build a preaching ministry, and two churches allowed me to learn to preach by practicing on them for more than a decade. I am a good preacher. That is not arrogant self-assessment or self-promotion. It is a statement of fact. I own or acknowledge this strength, recognize it as a gift from God, and a result of the shaping of others. Denying this reality is denying God’s gifting and the contribution of so many who have enriched my life. To deny it, with some kind of fake-piety or aw-shucks blushing is not humility. Affirming a personal strength, in the appropriate context and with the right attitude, is evidence of genuine humility.
You can also own your weaknesses and allow them to promote humility. I am not a patient person. Eliminating waiting is a primary life goal! This is a weakness because it makes me snappy, frustrated, mean-spirited, and grumpy. It makes me a controller, and on my worst days, a manipulator. Admitting these things has not been easy. For years, my goal was to camouflage this weakness. Gradually, I learned the spiritual discipline and freedom of admitting weaknesses. The most interesting result is how people respond. When my goal was camouflage, people were intent on pointing out my shortcomings and confronting me about them. As I have become more honest, people have become less critical and more forgiving.
Camouflage is really a flashing beacon that draws attention to character flaws. Transparency about them becomes a window. People see through me and do not seem to see so much of me as they did when my goal was denial. That is a good thing. Being honest about who we are, including our weaknesses, leads to humility. Trying to cover up our shortcomings reveals our pride in who we wish we were and who we want others to think we are.
<< Return to Archive
Humility: Foundation for Leadership
June 1, 2009
“How to be Humble” seems like a contradiction. If you were humble, would you really pronounce yourself an expert and teach others how to do it? Isn’t there something a little weird about that whole line of thinking? Yet, I did it. I wrote a book,
The Character of Leadership, with a chapter on how to be humble.
My intent was not to puff myself up as a “humility expert” but to try to give some practical counsel on developing this character quality. Since God “opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5), it seems we would want to learn this discipline. How to get there is the challenge.
Let’s unpack some possibilities for the next few weeks.
What humility is not
Some Christians wrongly think humility is debasing themselves, putting themselves down, or talking about how inadequate they are. One brother regularly rose during open microphone sharing in church to confess how inadequate he was and how he often failed God. Every Sunday evening, he recounted his shortcomings and how he was “humbly” learning spiritual insights from them. In reality, he was enjoying the attention his confession created. His confessions did not demonstrate humility. They put him in the spotlight so could be praised for his supposed piety.
Another woman consistently sought counsel about her problems. She frequently called or dropped by my office to tell me about her failures. She openly ridiculed herself, poking fun at her appearance, intelligence, and features. What was she really doing? Calling out, “Notice me!” Her claims of lowliness were really a perverse form of self-promotion. What she thought demonstrated humility really showed her deep emotional insecurity and how much she craved attention (and attracted it to herself).
A pastor, elected to chair a denominational group, started every meeting or presentation with a disclaimer about “how unworthy he was to be there.” While it may have been appropriate the first time, it became wearisome over time. What he really appeared to be doing was prolonging his time on stage, thus magnifying his position not just simply doing his job.
These examples are all based on the faulty concept that humility is self-debasement. Somehow, by putting ourselves down in public (or in private) we think we make ourselves more humble. While you are biblically responsible to “humble yourself” (more about that later), these practices simply do not accomplish that purpose. In short, they just do not get the job done!
A better understanding
What then is humility? Humility is appropriate self-appraisal, seeing yourself as God sees you. Humility is adopting God’s perspective on who you are and what you are assigned to do. Humility is the attitude that emerges from the spiritual discipline of thinking about yourself like God thinks of you. Humble leaders accept their God-assigned identity and mission. In short, they are comfortable with who God says they are.
John the Baptist is a good example of this. When asked, “What can you tell us about yourself?” (John 1:22), he did not hesitate to answer. He did not drop his head or scuff his toe. He simply answered the question! John said, “I am a voice of one crying in the wilderness: Make straight the way of the Lord” (John 1:23).
John later added, “He is the One coming after me, whose sandal strap I’m not worthy to untie” (John 1:27). Of course, he was speaking of Jesus, who he had come to introduce. Yet, in spite of Jesus’ greatness and his smallness by comparison, John still owned both his identity and mission. Jesus’ pre-eminence did not invalidate John’s role in God’s overall plan.
Humble leaders have a balanced view of how God sees them. True, you are a sinner. But you are also a saint. You can do nothing good apart from God’s power. But you are also given spiritual gifts by God and expected to use them. You have a sinful bent that taints everything you do. But, you are also enabled to do good works that really bless others. Humility is learning to live between these tensions. Humility is accepting the reality of who God says you are and living it daily.
Some leaders err to one extreme or the other. Some say, “I’m a child of the king so I should live like a prince or princess.” In some sense that is true. But those kind of statements are often excuses to support a hedonistic, materialistic lifestyle that contradicts the spirit and example of Jesus. Others say, “I’m just a sinner, saved by grace.” That is also true unless it becomes an excuse for poor choices and continued irresponsible living. You are child of God and a sinner saved by grace. Humility results when you successfully live with both poles exerting appropriate gravitational control of your behavior.
<< Return to Archive